so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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