mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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