so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
