Don't you send me to vm
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
