If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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