Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
