I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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