we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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