At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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