were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
