Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
