I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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