Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
