Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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