I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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