Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
