Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
