I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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