what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
