Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize