the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
