Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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