I feel like abortions should bother me more
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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