My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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