i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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