goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I could make wine with my vomit
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will pee on everything he values.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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