Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was a blind-side dick pic.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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