it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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