1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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