Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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