he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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