no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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