Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
