She said her name was "party"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
