you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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