Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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