we have officially lost it.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
