i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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