I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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