Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
