worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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