True but thats because hes a fetus.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
