Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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