she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
