Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
