Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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