If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
