paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
