im six kinds of drunk right now
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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