Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
