I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
