I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
