This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
