just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
