we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
