you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
