Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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