Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
