My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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