We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
soo... how was my night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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