why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
