What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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