Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
