Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
