i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
