You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
