in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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