When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize